Isn't biology pretty?

Well, this isn't a proper post, because I'll be going out fairly soon, but for my birthday today my parents got me a WONDERFUL new camera! It's been very exciting, and already I've spent my day taking photos of the chinchillas, Mum's flowers and some lovely cake :D


So I just thought I'd share a particular joy of mine - taking gorgeous pictures of the gorgeous things that God's made (or Mum's made ;) )

Rosie:

 My favourite little man, Max:

 Pepsi :) :

Mum's flowers from work:

Yummy chocolate birthday cake :D :

That was all :)
Happy Emily's Birthday to you all!
xxx

What a long term...!

What a long term indeed. Though not really, in the grand scheme of life - I was only away from home a grand total of nine weeks, but it's amazing just how much can go on in such a short amount of time. For example, how an addiction to Glee can build up in so few a number of weeks (who knew it would be so brilliant?! http://www.e4.com/glee/), and how many things can come and go that I think 'oh, I could blog about that', and then don't. It's been a hard term in some ways too, with real life struggles of some of my friends managing to pop the Oxford bubble that characterises our term time so much. Somehow the bubble doesn't really have room for real life in it, and that makes it hard when you're so wrapped up in bubble-ish activities.

But, we are in the holidays (which as we progress through I find myself more and more often calling them 'vacations' rather than 'holidays', as I'm realising I'm vacating Oxford but never truly taking a holiday from work! But I've never liked the phrase 'vac', as it sounds suspiciously like an American doing house-work). So I'm home again, without the time pressures of term time, or the responsibilities, but with the knowledge that I have 2nd year finals some...2 1/2 to 3 months away...*gulp*! But it's exciting. Third year options are chosen and I'm raring to go with exciting things, and knowing that next year gives me only modules I've chosen. I defy you to make me learn about quantitative trait loci anymore!

Anyway, as I said, lots of things came up this term that got me thinking, but one specifically was to do with value. As a church student body we went away to Notting Hill earlier in the term for a weekend away, which was a really awesome time for spending time with God, and each other. In one conversation with a good friend of mine, I noted how there were so regularly parallels between what I was doing in lectures and tutorials with what we were covering in church. That week I'd written an essay on how you could calculate the wildlife value of a site. It was an interesting mix of using quantitative indices and debating what value even meant, and what we were even trying to conserve. Was value found in having as many species as possible in a site? The more species the better? High biodiversity, and all? Or was it about having the greatest taxonomic richness - the highest diversity of groups of organisms, rather than having lots of species that have all diverged from a tiny branch of the tree of life? Another view was to keep areas that are most natural and undisturbed - but let's not even get started on what 'natural' actually means!

All in all, it was, as you would expect of an essay topic, a very controversial question, and there were a lot of angles you could come at it from. Ultimately, there was a lot to be said for it being a highly subjective subject. Who, in the end, has the authority to deem one place valuable for conservation and another less so? It might be useful for a group of people's agriculture, or might be a huge carbon-sink of a forest, or be the only home of someone's favourite butterfly species. Who can make that decision that one type of habitat, or site, is more valuable than another, and even more so to be able to make set-in-stone indices so that you can compare them, cold as stone?

At the weekend away a lady called Jo spoke to the girls about value. She used Joseph, the man who went through stages of life as a favoured son, slave, prisoner and ruler, as an example of value and identity. Throughout all of the stages of his life he remained the same person because he knew his identity in God. His value was not diminished by his position. I think for me, it's very easy for me to say that I find my isentity in God because I'm so happy in the identity that I have in the world. I am happy being a student, being female, and studying Biology. That sits really comfortably with me, so thanks to God for letting me find that in him, right? I'm sure Joseph's value was found very easily when he was a favoured son and a ruler too, but it was the fact that he was unchanged when he wasn't necessarily where he wanted to be that was important. His knowledge of his value in God, and his identity in that was unchanged.

I've been in a a lifted mood these last few days because I got a really improved end-of-term report last week: finally, my tutor reported progress and higher achievement, and optimism for my exams in the summer. That has made me so pleased, and so enthused to crack on, but is it where I'm finding my value? I certainly feel more valued by the college, to have my tutor and principle tell me they're pleased I'm doing so much better than the boderline work I was producing last year. But is that enough? I don't mean that in an egotistical way, in that I need more affirmation of myself than that, but is that what I'm WORTH? Once my degree is over, and I no longer have two clever men in gowns smiling their favour on me to affirm me will I have lost my sense of worth and value?

The notes that I made from Jo's talk say this: 'When we find our value in Jesus we don't have to justify ourselves in other ways - then we can be free to be who we are called to be.' In college, tutors have a nice quantitative way of assessing our value as students, that could be beautifully summed into an equation along the lines of value = (change in exam scores per term)/(effort in hours per week). Not too hard for them, they don't have that same deliberation that we have over wildlife sites of what makes it valuable or not in the same way. But still, they are the ones casting judgement over our worth to them as a college. Will we deliver for them to add to their scores to move the college up in the rankings?

It's really easy for me to find my value in this system, kind of like a site being given a high biodiversity index becase it has 20 species of finch in a small area. But if they were all lost, there would still be hundreds of other finches. thousands of other close relatives. But it's not true value, not deeply rooted in anything, and highly superficial. Our true value is not found in our exam results, or how much we can make a Lord smile from his collegey throne on us. Our value was set, unchanging, when Jesus died for us on the cross.

I love that that's it. That's what it means to find our identity in Jesus.

Beyond that, all the earthly value I can be given by doing well, is simply an extension from God's grace for giving me something that I care enough about to work hard at to get right.

Big BioLove,  x

A Real blog in the New Year, on friendly accostings and big dreams

Now, this blogging malarky isn't as easy as it looks. I just want you to think about it for a moment: I mean, there are millions of blogs out there saying millions of different things, some interesting, some provocative, and some inanely dull, I'm sure. I have this space available to me to say something that means something to me. To say something that I think might mean something to you [yep, you]. To say something that has the potential to change the world! (Ok, well maybe that last point is a little far-fetched, but you can see where I'm going here).
And with this opportunity comes a great responsibility to not say something rubbish, and to not be ridiculously boring, so when I'm being rubbish and ridiculously boring I tend to refrain from writing for fear of disappointing you - yet TWICE in the last two weeks I've been accosted by friends of mine (yes, friends!) with complaints that I don't blog enough! Can you believe they're trying to rush genius?! On the first occasion we run into our neighbour at a pet shop (yes, this is a commonplace occurrence in my life. Instead of running into each other at our adjoining garden paths we run into each other at a pet shop 10 minute's drive away. That's much more usual, clearly.) and she lulls me into a false sense of amiability by showing me the adorable pet hedgehogs available in the shop, before reprimanding me for not providing her with enough blog entertainment. The second event occurs after church, where my pastor (shall we call you that? Leader? Person most-likely to be in charge?) flings the car door open and, again, starts that terribly british practise of hedging something hard-hitting with something nice and pleasing to the character. 'Em!' he exclaims, putting an arm round my shoulder, 'we could have prayed for you before you left!' (it being the last Sunday before I head back to Oxford). Indeed, but none of us had thought of that, so nevermind, that's ok...then as he walks away and shuts my door he slips in something to the effect of 'But you'd better blog more this term.'

Honestly.
rushing genius.

Now, I do joke, I claim no such 'genius' in these blogs, because I clearly have no such thing. Actually, I found it quite the compliment that there were some people who geniunely wanted to read something new I had to say, so actually this beginning is more to say thank you, and that I appreciate that you want me to carry on. So you get your very own faux-disgruntled blog entry.

Actually, what I wanted to talk about was something that I had a couple of conversations (but not 'conservation', as my fingers so readily type these days) about this last term, and was reminded of in a conversation with lovely friends I had round for dinner this weekend. It started when a guy called Che Ahn came to visit our church in Oxford, who is a speaker from California [http://www.harvestrockchurch.org/]. Now, he did a whole weekend conference, of which I could only attend the classic Sunday morning slot, but a good friend of mine went to the Saturday events which had some messages aimed largely at the students; she told me a lot about it, obviously telling me about the things that were important to her. What stood out to me of this was how much he focussed on not forcing the youth of the church to go into ministry, necessarily, but that Christians could be at the top of their fields in the world too, being a light at these points. Now, I don't want you to think that if I thought God was calling me into ministry that I wouldn't do it, because totally, if He said that was right then it's where I'd go. But I'd been thinking a lot about how as a young person, who's at the point where you're making decisions about what you're going to do with your life, in the CHURCH, it's very easy to feel like the most interest from the church is going to go into the people who decide to go into ministry, because they are the holiest people who are actually doing God's work, right?

I realise that's quite a harsh thing to say, and almost certainly isn't true of what the churches really believe, but it's very easy to misconstrue that, and easy to feel it. In some ways, I almost felt that perhaps to truly be living my life to the scriptures I needed to give up the things I thought were my comfort zone, step out of that, and dedicate my life to telling people the wonderful news about Jesus. Sounds classic Christian, doesn't it? Genuinely, it was riling me. Was it a waste to be dedicating my life to academia when there was so much more of God's work to be done - reaching nations that haven't even HEARD about Jesus, reaching out to people on the streets, or to people who need Jesus' love the most in the world? Africa? South America? Eastern Asia? It's the good Christians that are doing that, right, the proper ones?

Of course not. And to be honest I'm quite embarrassed in myself for even have let indignace get in the way of what I knew of the church and scripture. I think when science is so often publicly put at odds with 'religion' and the church, I find I sometimes have to justify my involvement in it , especially against concepts like ministry and mission which sit so neatly within it. However, part of what Che Ahn talked about was Reclaiming the Seven Mountains of Society [capitalised for you there to highlight that it's a concept I didn't think up - ], which is the idea that in society there are seven areas that dominate: business, government, media, arts and entertainment, education, the family and religion, and that there should be Christian representitives in each of these, making decisions in their running and being people of authority and influence. I guess this has the potential to sound a little high-handed; that Christians should teach people about God by taking over the country [insert evil laugh], but I saw it more as an encouragement in my plight.

Actually, the point is less national or global domination by Christians (though that is an amusing notion), and more that there is definitely place for Christians to be people in the world. People in the far reaches of the world need to hear about God and experience his power, true, but so do people here. Workplaces across the country are full of people who know nothing of it, and have never experienced Jesus' love. What better place to be representing Jesus than in a workplace dominated by atheism and scientific rigour, doing something that I love and try to use as an act of worship?

The passage in 1Corinithians 12 really shed some light on some of what I'd been thinking about: [from the Message translation]
14-18I want you to think about how all this makes you more significant, not less. A body isn't just a single part blown up into something huge. It's all the different-but-similar parts arranged and functioning together. If Foot said, "I'm not elegant like Hand, embellished with rings; I guess I don't belong to this body," would that make it so? If Ear said, "I'm not beautiful like Eye, limpid and expressive; I don't deserve a place on the head," would you want to remove it from the body? If the body was all eye, how could it hear? If all ear, how could it smell? As it is, we see that God has carefully placed each part of the body right where he wanted it.

19-24But I also want you to think about how this keeps your significance from getting blown up into self-importance. For no matter how significant you are, it is only because of what you are a part of. An enormous eye or a gigantic hand wouldn't be a body, but a monster. What we have is one body with many parts, each its proper size and in its proper place. No part is important on its own. Can you imagine Eye telling Hand, "Get lost; I don't need you"? Or, Head telling Foot, "You're fired; your job has been phased out"? As a matter of fact, in practice it works the other way—the "lower" the part, the more basic, and therefore necessary. You can live without an eye, for instance, but not without a stomach. When it's a part of your own body you are concerned with, it makes no difference whether the part is visible or clothed, higher or lower. You give it dignity and honor just as it is, without comparisons. If anything, you have more concern for the lower parts than the higher. If you had to choose, wouldn't you prefer good digestion to full-bodied hair?

25-26The way God designed our bodies is a model for understanding our lives together as a church: every part dependent on every other part, the parts we mention and the parts we don't, the parts we see and the parts we don't. If one part hurts, every other part is involved in the hurt, and in the healing. If one part flourishes, every other part enters into the exuberance.

27-31You are Christ's body—that's who you are! You must never forget this. Only as you accept your part of that body does your "part" mean anything. You're familiar with some of the parts that God has formed in his church, which is his "body":

apostles
prophets
teachers
miracle workers
healers
helpers
organizers
those who pray in tongues.
But it's obvious by now, isn't it, that Christ's church is a complete Body and not a gigantic, unidimensional Part? It's not all Apostle, not all Prophet, not all Miracle Worker, not all Healer, not all Prayer in Tongues, not all Interpreter of Tongues. And yet some of you keep competing for so-called "important" parts.

Sorry that's such a long passage to get through, but it really put it all into context for me. The church is a body made up of many parts, and we are all people with different giftings and abilities. Considering my role in the church generally, I know that I can play in a worhsip band, or look after a kids work group, or be someone who encourages others; but I know that I'll probably never be a worship leader, a teacher or somebody in ministry. In my life I know that I'll probably do something scientific or education based, and probably won't end up working for a church (although who knows, it could change?). But I think my thinking here is that I've realised that my contributions to the church are entirely worthy regardless of what level of hierarchy they may appear to be, and if we were all striving to be the same in the church it wouldn't function as a whole.

In an ecosystem, there may be species that appear to be the most important - the ones that everyone sees, or that seem to provide the most resources, etc. But when you consider ALL of the species involved in a single ecosystem, the trees, bushes, grasses, insects, birds, mammals, fungi, bacteria...they're all vital parts of the balance of the ecosystem, and with the removal of one comes the imbalance of the others. It doesn't make those seemingly important species any LESS important, but other species play equally significant roles. An ecosystem relies on all of its parts to function as a whole.

So, in other news?
We're back in Oxford now, with imminent collections (college exams) rearing their ugly heads to be followed by the uncertain few days where no tutorials have been planned and you waltz home from lectures unburdened by text books or an essay question that needs deciphering. Bitter-sweet? Bitter then sweet?
Perhaps 'standard' is more descriptive.

This term also sees the beginning of a peer-support course that I'm doing - I'm hoping that'll bring up some interesting things to think about, and I'm looking forward to being trained to be a better listener.

Anyways, I do perhaps think that's all I have to say for today...except that I've managed to lose the ability to embed phtos into my blog - if anyone knows how then do let me know, as I'm sure there are interesting snaps I could treat you with!

And then that was the end of 2009...

I know, I know, it's been forever since I last blogged. You know I have half a blog sitting in the drafts that I started when I came home a few weeks ago, then I realised I had work to be doing so forgot to finish it? Yeah. Even my next door neighbour is nagging me to write another blog :p

So I figured, what better way to start again than to write a nice year's summary blog, rather than chatting about how much has happened that I don't have time to tlak about?! So I shall, and shall do it in simple bullet form, otherwise it's just going to get messy, isn't it? I've got 45 minutes until I go out to this new year's do, including makeup time, so I'd better crack on with things that have happened or I've learnt this year...in no particular order:

1. A year goes past REALLY quickly! Deary me, it genuinely doesn't seem like a whole year has passed since that first university holiday where I spent most of the time on msn to these new exciting people that I was desperate not to lose, just in case they didn't really like me at all and it was all just friendliness out of circumstance. I needn't have worried, because I haven't lost any of them and love them all even more now - but that holiday WAS an odd one. If only I'd thought to start working a little earlier, those first college exams might have gone a little smoother...but anyway. It seems like no time since I was watching the last Big Fat Quiz of the Year, and here it is again.

2. I had my first experience of having to tell someone how I genuinely felt about them. May not sound like a big deal, but it was massive for little ol' Sturge here. While perhaps it didn't end how we might have initially expected, it made me realise how easy it is to 'fall in like' with someone that is meant to be a true friend for a long time.

3. Trashings are hilarious. Having made it through my first year exams I was introduced to the old Oxford tradition of trashings. Basically, they're a big celebration for each person that finishes their last exam of the year, and in Jesus college that means every year, and in style! As you re-enter the college your friends are waiting to greet you with multiple buckets of cold water, ready to soak you through to your exhausted, exam-weary, skin. After then adorning you with various items of fancy dress, you are presented with a bottle of champagne, which has been being shaken for at least the last 20 minutes,whose cork you pop, aimed at the second quad clock. You hit the clock, you get a first (simple as that, so the myth goes). Drink the rest of the bottle of champagne, and you're off...

4. Oxford is beautiful in the snow, especially at night. When it started snowing at 11.30, the night of the 1st of February, we all ventured out in the snow, and down to the Narnia door, where C.S.Lewis apparently got his inspiration for his famous stories. The lion door-knocker, the fauns carved into the porch and the lamppost all whispered tales of years of winter and sons of Adam as the snowflakes fell in a flurry around us.

5. Writing a blog is difficult in term time.

6. It was finally time to grow up with God this year. At 28:18, the Salt&Light family of churches' summer conference, I found myself for the first time without a group catered for my age group. No longer a school-goer I was thrown in at the deep end of the grown-up seminars and main meetings. No messy games. No electric guitars. No simple and basic encouragement to live my life for Jesus. I was now in with the deep and meaningful preaches, alongside parents, preachers, ministers, theologians and BIBLE COLLEGE STUDENTS. I know.
I won't lie, I was incredibly intimidated at first, and shut myself off from what was being taught a little bit to start with, because clearly it wasn't aimed at me? It was aimed at adults. But 2 days in it hit me that I was out in the real world now, and that God isn't just about me anymore, and that those events aren't just there for me to refresh myself on how much God loves me. It fired me up to go out and live God's word, to tell people, to live justly and to remember God as a constant in my life rather than a summer fling. It really opened my eyes, and gave me a heart to see my friends saved.

7. It is really funny to be put in a position of authority above people of which some are only 2 years your junior. This is what I experienced as a leader on the Hebrides expedition I helped NAYC (Northampton Association of Youth Clubs) with this summer. It was an amazing trip, and having been twice before I knew how to encourage the young people, and how they might be struggling, which I thought was a really good thing. The only trouble came for me when a week in they all suddenly realised I was only 19, and that really I was just one of them, but who got to stay up a bit later ;) Perhaps I wasn't asserting my authorty enough?! Actually, I came to realise that it was much more important that I could be there for them as a friendly face than that they revered me as one in a position of authority. There were four other REAL grown-ups for that ;) (of which Rhoda was one: she is a real grown-up when she has to be).

8. I've been made aware (notably from some of these points already) this year of being a grown-up. Not much else to say, because I'm clearly not really, but with the big 'two-oh' looming a mere 3 months away I might have to face up to it at some point. I now have to cook for myself [half the time], and know how to do my own laundry...and organise my own time, and drive, and...ok, maybe I need to face up to some of it fairly soon. I don't pay a mortgage though, or gas bills. So I'm ok for a little while...

9.Going on field trips is one of the most fun things you can do not very long before exams. And Oxford exams are one of the scariest things you can do. Well, they're not, but the fact that you can't have water at your desk just un-nerves me, so if you're sat in the middle of the hall it's a LONG walk to get a drink of water in the middle of an exam. But anyway, that wasn't the point. In 5th/6th week of the summer term (Trinity) all of the first year biologists went to Pembrokeshire in Wales for a field trip, spending days in and around the estate we were staying in. Genuinely, it was so much fun, and was a great chance to get to know some of the other biologists. It's one of the things I really like about my course, is that actually you DO get to know other people on the course instead of just being college-based in your friendships. I cemented some really awesome friendships there, and had a really good laugh as well as learning so much about how to go about the practical side of what I'd been learning. It inspired me that actually THIS is what I'm good at and am passionate about; exams are all very well, but out in the field is where it will matter for me ultimately. And that made me very happy!

10. Oh goodness, I went to South Africa this summer! Wow, how had I passed by that one? So much has happened! Indeed, with my parents and sister we flew out to Johannesburg and spent two weeks in Pretoria with the family we have out there. Aside from the fact that it was an aamzing chance to go all that way, it was so good to spend some real-life time with our family (who we obviously don't see very much). It was so good to get to know our cousins, who are the same age as me and my big sister, but have only spent relatively few hours with to get to know. The slightly tipsy karaoke was a step in the right direction to rectifying that ;)
But as well as that, we got to go on safari (twice in one weekend away) and go zip-wiring through a gorge, stroke lion cubs, visit some classic South African attractions and soak in the culture. Oh, and see Harry Potter and the half-blood prince for about £1.30 each. Score.

11.How many more should I write? By the way, you're not all still thinking I managed to write all this in 45 minutes, are you? Of course not, even a year's worth of essay practise can't make me write that quickly. I'll let you decide for yourself how far you think I got.
Anyway. 11. 2010-the year of the bicycle? I was thinking that 2009 could be classed as that, but having only spent 1 term bicycle-bound it can hardly count - so 2010 shall be it for sure. Having succumbed to the Oxford tradition of travelling everywhere by bike I don't know what I did without it. Well, I walked, clearly, and didn't live a mile out of town. There we go - that's that point about this year, I now ride a bike. With a helmet. My lazy, car-driving days are almost behind me. (If you believe that you'll believe anything tbh...)

12. I think twelve is a good number, as it's nicely related to the twelve days of Christmas, which shall sadly soon be over. Christmas was lovely this year, and nicely spread over several days so as to see all relatives possible, as is often the way. Having my big sister not come home until Christmas eve was quite odd, as I'm used to at least a week's worth of 'it's nearly my birthday!' and 'I'm so excited about what I've got you, I want to give it to you now!', so it did seem to happen all of a sudden. Not that it crept up on me, I'd already celebrated Christmas once, in Oxford, but it was a very different feeling. Like we'd suddenly moved on a bit as a family, and that 'home' isn't actually home for all of us anymore. The food was good, the presents were good, the tv was good (I mean - Time Lords?! Galifrey?! NO WAY?! Love that.). General result of a christmas really, and already it's a week ago.

So, where now? A new year (a new decade, even), a new start. Well, it could be, or it could be a continuation of all the good things this decade has been. Why would I start afresh on things that went so wonderfully well? I'm sure I could make resoultions about working more, being sociable at college or with home friends more, about keeping in touch with old friends more, or making new friends. I could make resolutions about reading more for pleasure, about giving more time for myself, or about spending time making the most of the culture of Oxford and seeing all there is to see. Essentially, by doing that I would be asking for 48hour days, and we know that's not realistic, so I'll perhaps not make any of those resolutions but just bear them all in mind. I think this year I do need to make better use of my time, especially as I have a research project to research and write, second year finals to sit, and only five more terms of my degree left. But that also means only five more terms with everyone I've gotten to know at university. And, devastatingly, only two more terms with one of my closest friends and flat mates, who is going on her year abroad next year.
This coming year will be precious, as by this time next year it will be gone.

And finally, to conclude, may we all reflect on the year 2009 - the year Delirious? did their final-farewell tour. Epic.
From their wembley performance ALL those years ago- one of my many favourites, Sanctify: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Br9aBsq5gro

'Hi, I'm Emily, and I'm a first, no I mean second, year Biologist...'

Yesterday saw the arrival of the incoming class of Jesus college 2009, and thus the dawn of this year's Freshers' week. It seemed all so recently that that was us, nervously hanging around the JCR, wondering with each new conversation if this could be the new best friend (or potential life partner) you've been looking for - scoping out the 99 other people (plus the second and third years) you'd be spending the next three years with in the full knowledge that they're doing exactly the same to you. 
It was strange being on the other side of it - not having to worry that I didn't have anyone to talk to, or a safety zone of friends, or whether I would be able to find my way back from a club on my own at 3 o'clock in the morning. I had my friends, that have been there a whole year, around me, and knew as I walked into town from the flat and back again with one of my flatmates that there would be no awkward conversation, no trying to impress, and no false niceties, because we've come to a place where we truly know each other. However, I still couldn't dispel that uneasy feeling during the day as I stood in the JCR surrounded by freshers, and again later on in the bar, that I remembered so clearly from my own freshers' week only a year ago. In complete empathy was that feeling of looking round the room and not knowing the names of any of the faces you see, not knowing who would be a safe bet to go and talk to, who was genuinely a bit too cool for you to really engage in any kind of discourse, and wondering if you’d be able to summon the character within you to make people like you. And it was scary. The conclusion I came to was that experiencing freshers' week from the other side was probably much more fun than the first time round because of the security and level of Oxford-savviness acquired from having done a year already, and the ability to pick and choose which things I want to be involved in without the pressure that I'll miss out on meeting new people or no-one knowing who I was. Also, being in a pub having subject drinks with the other Biologists and Human Scientists, including the freshers, highlighted just how much we've come on in a year, and how exciting it is for these new guys to be embarking on what we've just come through – to the point that I’ve come to actually understand the guys in the year above when they start chatting Biological (which certainly wasn’t true of this time last year…)
I remember my first tutorial: "Does the sudden appearance of new animal forms at the beginning of the Cambrian mark an explosive evolution of new body plans?" I remember receiving the essay title and thinking ‘I don’t know when the Cambrian is and I don’t know what a body plan is…’ and just generally having no idea what the essay was going to be about, and having no idea at all how I was going to get 2000 words worth of anything, let alone anything coherent and knowledgeable. It wasn’t easy. And I’ll not lie and say that now whenever I get an essay title I know what it’s about and will be able to write a good essay on it – but I do know how to approach it, and know that this year I have learnt a ridiculous amount, even if it’s just in how to use the libraries to get the right references.
The whole idea of the new year-group of freshers coming in makes me think about how much has happened in a year, in what potentially could be a very nostalgic way. But also in an excited way at the thought of what is to come this next year. If as much happens in and to me this coming year as has done this past year, then I need to steel myself for my life being turned upside down to an even greater extent! When I realise how much I’ve learnt, how much God has spoken to me, how many amazing friends I’ve made and how much of the almost-real world I’ve newly experienced it amazes me that my brain didn’t overload, but makes me incredibly thankful for having had all those things in a year.

BUT, in other news: I went to see Fame [http://www.generationfame.com/ ] last week with two particularly wonderful girl friends of mine (I still haven’t seen Creation, btw, that remains to be watched and reviewed). It reminded me of the ‘Fame’ theme that JFC (the kids club back at home I was involved with pre-uni that I visited the week before I came back to Oxford) has running at the moment, and how the kids were being encouraged to consider their talents, and what they want, and think it is good, to be famous for. While Mark’s talk was aimed at 5-12 year olds, it did get me thinking about what I want to be known for, along with the idea in the film of discovering what you’re truly good at. Being a good scientist? Being a FAMOUS scientist – for being controversial? Discovering something amazing?.... Do I even want to be famous at all, or is it more about ‘being famous with God’? Is it better for being famous for achieving something amazing, or not being conventionally famous at all, and just being known among your friends and peers as being someone worthy of being known? I read the book ‘The Five Love Languages’ by Gary Chapman [http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/] this summer, and it made me think a lot about really loving people, and that being an amazing thing to be known for – that you love people fully and expressively, and can communicate that to them in a way that shows love beyond yourself, and ultimately of God. Perhaps being famous for discovering a new species, or conducting some ground-breaking research, or making an impact to the scientific community in some fundamental way is something fantastic to strive for in the long run, but it’s not going to happen soon (you only have to read my essays to realise that!), and perhaps for now I should focus on being known for loving, and trying to be a good friend, and living out God’s love to the people around me, while I look ahead with my long-term goals. So I shall end with that famous passage from 1 Corinthians 13, if only to remind myself of what I should be striving for…

 ¹If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ²If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,^[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

 ⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 ⁸Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. ¹¹When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. ¹²Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

 ¹³And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

But as a final final leaving thought, I give you this photo with the question 'how many boys (who attend Oxford University) does it take to put down a rotary clothes drier?!' Perhaps the real question should actually be why they had it up in the first place.

Blog Number One

So, the start of a new blog, and the ridiculous decision of what I should write about! (Who's your target audience? she asks, thinking back to Alevel English Language. Does it matter? Not really.)

I've been at home now with very little to do for what seems like an immeasureably long time - having had some incredibly exciting weeks away travelling (in South Africa, the Outer Hebrides, and a Salt&Light camp near Battle) - but these last few weeks (even month, perhaps) were optimistically put aside for working in, but the dire decline of the Christian Bookshop industry has sadly left my most reliable of holiday jobs somewhat unreliable. It's such a shame, because the shop is an amazing resource for so many people, and has been a fantastic place to work for the last four years (it really has been that long), but the ever increasing looming presence of the Amazons and Tescos of this world are overbearing, and they continue to steal the market and sell to it at prices that we could never match. But this story, perhaps, is one to be told at a later point. Nevertheless, much prayer is required in that area.

So without a large amount of paid work to be getting on with, I've had the chance to take some day trips (Kew Gardens being the prominent, with Mum), and catch up on the things of my head that have sat in the background for the majority of the year, and now have the chance to come to the front and be fully mulled over. 'God loves Darwin too', which was the only blog title I could scrape from the bottom of my creative barrel last night when I set it up, stems from thoughts I'd been having about Creation, influenced by the barrage of Darwin items in the media this year (including the new film based on his life out this week [http://creationthemovie.com] ), the small amount of holiday reading I decided to embark upon in advance of the 'Evolution & Systematics' compulsory module I'll read this year, and the three audio sermons on the subject of 'Creation' by Jeremy Blakey and Steve Jones that were drawn to my attention on the Oxford church's websites [http://www.occ.org.uk/oxford/resources/audio].

It's a subject that's been playing in my mind the whole year, since before I left to start the Biology degree, in fact, and has been constantly challenged and rechallenged as the year has gone on - by lecturers, friends, probing church pastors and, ultimately, myself. While the subject is massive, and I'm sure I could waffle on about it til the cows came home (which inevitably they eventually do, but they're renowned for being dirty stop outs), I won't right here and now, just for your sakes. But needless to say, there has been a lot going on in my head around the whole debate of whether 'Science & Religion' can ever be compatible, whether creation and evolution can co-exist as compatible theories and how it all fits together. I don't know anyone who's got it completely sussed, but there's been a massive settling in my spirit regarding the issue as I've learnt more and prayed more this year, so perhaps I'll do a proper blog about it all at a later stage (perhaps in a quiet week?).

Anyway, some good conclusions I did manage to come to were around the fact that however Darwin's ideas have been used to 'disprove' God in this neo-darwinian era of science, Darwin was not a man out to disprove God, and made that clear in his work.  God loved Darwin too, just as much as he loves me, you (whoever you might be) and the holiest and most pious people you know of. That's it. He loves Dawkins too, however atheistic he might be, and that's..well, funny, to me :D It doesn't matter how much they push God away, He always longs for them to come back.
Another thing that I've been thinking about, taken from Jeremy Blakey's talk on the People of God's creation, was the role of stewarding of the earth that was appointed to mankind by God - Jeremy puts it really well (much better than I'll be able to here!) how the earth is God's and we are here to look after, live in and love it ([http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%2024&version=NIV](Psalm 24) &  [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%20115:16&version=NIV] (Psalm 116 v 16)) ...it put into context for me what my role is, and perhaps why I've fallen in love with animal biology, plants and ecology so much. I want to learn about the earth, maintain it and cherish it; I've realised that rather than being geeky, it's entirely unsurprising, as that's what God has made and called me to do.